Communication

In general, love stories, books, and movies have contributed to the myth of romantic love. According to this, people fall in love and build solid and lasting relationships, thanks to a kind of "spontaneous compatibility". An idea according to which couples, without knowing it, are made for each other without effective communication efforts.

When a movie ends and the protagonists, after many challenges, sealed their love with a kiss while the credit titles appear on the screen, you never know what happens next. Nobody has taught us to face a relationship on a day-to-day basis. And we assume that everything will go smoothly. Because love, everything can.

Contrary to the widespread belief that love is something static, an all-or-nothing vision that simply appears and disappears, the reality is stubborn in confirming that love is a shared personal experience, which is being built thanks to communication as a couple. If we learn to communicate effectively from the beginning, we will reduce the chances of future disappointments and misunderstandings.

Every human being is unique. Every person has lived certain experiences, has their subjective tastes, habits, feelings, opinions, needs, and thoughts. He will hardly be able to couple to another being, with his framework of life, without a good common fit.

From psychology, we know that one of the bases for making good "fits" with others is effective communication. If we learn to communicate respectfully and honestly what we like, bother, or are interested in from the beginning, we will have more information to decide if the person fits us or not. That is if we will have more chances of being happy at his side. Or if that person can be happy with us. So once the spark of attraction calls to our hearts, it pays to develop effective communication to decide if she is the right person.

In general, communication on first dates is not fraught with great tension or conflict. Quite the contrary, everything seems to go smoothly. But if we look closely, the first differences can already appear in the first encounters.

While a woman enjoys a slow walk hand in hand with her lover, he will be looking forward to getting to her house to watch a soccer game. These differences in themselves are not bad, they are part of the personal reality of each one. But if these situations are lived in silence, and interpreted according to the individual perspective, they can generate discomfort or misunderstandings. For example, the woman noticing the man's rush can interpret that he is getting bored. He by her side, may not want to hurt her and hides the need for her.

So, when the first differences of rhythms, tastes, preferences arise, communication is a bomb that allows us to get to know each other, communicate the truth, and reach effective agreements.

Studies have shown that a frequent problem in couples therapy sessions is closely related to communication deficits. Either because the communication is full of reproaches, disagreements, and conflicting points of view. Or because there are hardly any conflicts, but there is a discomfort that is not talked about. Many people yearn for the beginning of the relationship, because, as we have said, the conflicts either do not occur or are not significant. However, precisely in those initial stages, it is when we begin to establish what will be the bases of the dialogue as a couple. So, learning to communicate from the beginning, the good and the bad is essential.